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Chapter 1407 Goodbye
Chapter 1407 Goodbye
The wind outside the hospital carried the dry chill of winter, whistling through the bare sycamore trees along the roadside.
As soon as Chi Jingyuan got out of the car, he was greeted by a dry, cold wind. Even with the sun shining brightly, the biting wind was still undeniable, stinging his cheeks.
Looking up, you can see the cordon line a dozen meters away from the hospital entrance. Outside the line, there are many fans holding white chrysanthemums, most of whom are wearing black and dark clothes.
Even in the solemn and somber atmosphere, there were incessant rustling sobs. Some buried their faces in their companions' shoulders and wept silently, while others held up signs that read, "Jong-hyun, may you rest in peace."
When Chi Jingyuan looked over, the edges of the playing cards were just being blown curled up by the gust of wind.
Reporters from several other media outlets remained outside the cordon, their lens caps still on, but unlike usual, they didn't crowd or make a ruckus. They simply stood at a distance, even keeping the shutter sounds extremely quiet.
Ji Kyung-won finally got to appear in front of the public and reporters without being bombarded by flashing lights.
He was dressed in a pure black suit and trousers, without any patterns or jewelry, and without even makeup. His entire body was extremely plain, and coupled with his calm and quiet expression, he exuded a serious and silent aura.
He didn't linger at the hospital entrance; he strode through the gate. As he passed through the crowd, several camera flashes went off, and one could faintly hear reporters whispering amongst themselves:
“Yuan is here too. She’s been waiting all day and she’s here now.”
"I thought he wasn't coming today."
"How could that be? They'd come even if it was just for show."
"You can't say that, they have a very good relationship..."
The barely audible chatter did not slow Chi Jingyuan down. He walked straight into the hospital, and as soon as he entered, the distinctive smell of disinfectant hit him.
Chi Kyung-won disliked the smell.
It was his first time visiting the Asan Hospital Funeral Home. He felt completely lost and had no idea where to go. However, the organizers seemed to know that there were many guests today. He glanced around and saw several signs pointing to the "Memorial Hall of the late SHINee Kim Jonghyun" and quiet signs along the way.
At the same time, looking up, the screen in the center of the hall displayed the introduction to Kim Jonghyun's memorial hall:
Deceased: Kim Jong-hyun
Funeral hall: Room 20
Chief mourner: Lee Tae-min
出殡日：2017年12月21日 09时00分
In front of a series of cold, mechanical words is a photo of Kim Jong-hyun smiling brightly.
Chi Jingyuan stood in the middle of the hall, looking up at the screen for a long time.
If it weren't for the quiet and solemn surroundings, the pungent smell of the hospital, and the cold, authoritative text constantly reminding him of the dangers, he might have mistaken this photo for a clip from a variety show used to introduce a guest.
Lowering his head and gently pursing his lips, Chi Jingyuan found his way and headed towards the mourning hall in Room 20.
As we walked along, white wreaths and flower baskets filled both sides of the corridor, arranged in dense rows.
The flowers were almost entirely pure white chrysanthemums, with a few baskets of white lilies mixed in. The petals still had a few water droplets on them, so they must have been delivered recently.
The cards on the flower baskets were mostly from colleagues in the industry and fan organizations. In addition to "We will always remember you", there were also words of condolence such as "Thank you for your songs" and "We will always remember your gentleness". The handwriting included neat printed fonts as well as handwritten fonts.
The handwriting is different, but every stroke seems to convey an unyielding weight.
Ji Jingyuan's flower basket had been delivered by Park Jae-hyun early in the morning. He didn't see the flower basket he was sending along the way, and didn't know if it was hidden among the flowers.
Before entering the formal memorial hall, he passed through a small hall, which seemed to be a public mourning area. It was filled with white flowers sent by Kim Jong-hyun's fans, mainly chrysanthemums and lilies.
There were also handwritten letters, photos, plush toys, and many blue souvenirs.
Lake blue is SHINee's official support color.
Just like outside the hospital, there were also many fans and reporters in the mourning area near the funeral hall. However, compared to outside, the fans here were more restrained and solemn, and the atmosphere was extremely quiet, with only footsteps, whispers, and occasional suppressed sobs.
As Chi Jingyuan passed by, some fans looked up at him, but they didn't linger. They just glanced at him and then lowered their heads again, grieving and quietly mourning their deceased lover.
Sorrow, restraint, focus.
Ignored, Chi Jingyuan passed by them, his steps involuntarily slowing slightly, as if sensing the silent yet powerful emotions emanating from them.
He remained silent throughout, slowly ascending the escalator until he finally saw the official mourning hall.
There were many people standing outside the funeral hall, dressed in black. Many of them looked familiar to him; they were SM Entertainment staff. There were also some he had never seen before, and he didn't know if they were family members of the deceased or just there to join in the commotion.
Some SM members immediately signaled to Chi Jingyuan with their eyes or gestures, but Chi Jingyuan only nodded vaguely and did not linger, walking straight into the mourning hall.
Upon entering, a strange and awkward smell hits you, a mixture of the common hospital disinfectant smell and the scent of incense and candles from a funeral home.
This smell... is even more unpleasant.
The atmosphere was extremely quiet, with only footsteps, whispers, and the occasional suppressed sobs.
Not far from the entrance was a registration desk, which also served as a reception desk. Kim Ki-bum was sitting there. When he saw Ji Kyung-won enter, he stood up and waved gently, saying, "You're here."
Knowing that many celebrity friends would come to pay their respects, Jonghyun's family did not take the lead in organizing his memorial service. Instead, the other four members of SHINEE served as the chief mourners and hosted the memorial service.
Chi Jingyuan walked to the registration desk and wrote his name on the list.
It wasn't the first time he'd attended a memorial service, and he knew the procedures... but attending a friend's memorial service was a first for him.
"Has everyone else arrived?"
"Almost everyone has come, and some others will come tomorrow."
While signing, Ji Kyung-won and Kim Ki-bum had a brief exchange. After writing his name, he took out a pure white envelope containing the condolence money and handed it to the other party.
As Kim Ki-bum accepted the envelope, he also gave him a white corsage.
Chi Jingyuan took it and pinned it to his left chest.
A simple white corsage instantly added a touch of poignant beauty to the solemnity of the all-black suit.
There were quite a few people in the funeral hall, mostly SM Entertainment staff, but there were hardly any people in the passageway leading to Jonghyun's memorial tablet.
The celebrities and friends who were supposed to come had already arrived, so the place was a bit empty and there was no need for Ji Kyung-won to wait any longer.
That's why he specifically chose to come at this time—to have some peace and quiet and not be disturbed.
Maybe I can talk to this guy a few more times.
The leather shoes made almost no sound as they stepped on the black non-slip mat on the ground. As they walked, Ji Kyung-won and the other members of SHINEE nodded slightly and remained silent as they approached Jonghyun's memorial tablet.
In the very center stood an offering table with a small incense burner on it. A stick of incense had burned halfway, and wisps of smoke rose upwards, gathering into a thin mist on the roof that lingered for a long time. On either side of the incense burner sat a white candle, its wick burning with a small flame.
Behind the altar, instead of the usual plain curtains or a single portrait, there was a sea of flowers made up of countless pure white lilies.
The white lilies were a pure, cool white, gleaming with an ivory or snow-white luster under the lights of the funeral hall. They were not just randomly piled up; each lily was carefully arranged, and the large, trumpet-shaped flowers drooped slightly at an almost reverent angle, like stars worshipping the sun or like fans surrounding an idol.
In the very center, surrounded by a sea of flowers, hangs a black and white portrait of Kim Jonghyun. The frame is a simple black solid wood frame with no extra decorations around the edges, and a thin black ribbon is tied at the bottom.
He is smiling in the photo.
It was a smile without any shadows, the curve of the corners of the mouth was sunny and natural, revealing a neat line of teeth. It was not a carefully calculated stage expression, but rather as if it was suddenly captured by a moment of genuine joy. The smile overflowed from the bottom of the eyes, rippled all the way to the lips, and finally condensed into a pair of shallow, childlike dimples on the cheeks.
His forehead features his signature thick bangs, which look a bit heavy by today's standards, but when paired with that smiling face, they make him look exceptionally sunny.
This should be Jonghyun's look from one of SHINee's albums... Ji Kyungwon can't remember.
But he thought the photo was well chosen and that the man looked very handsome.
Chi Jingyuan took a deep breath and began the memorial ceremony according to the steps.
He first bowed deeply twice in front of the portrait, then took a step closer and came to the offering table. In front of the offering table was a black kneeling cushion, which had just been used by someone and was still slightly wrinkled at the edges.
Chi Jingyuan knelt on the cushion, opened the porcelain cup containing the fragrant powder next to him with his right hand, and put his hand in. The moment he touched it, a cool and dry, delicate sensation spread along his fingertips.
Carefully picking up a pinch, the powder felt weightless between my fingers, a dull grayish-white color.
Looking at his fingertips, Chi Jingyuan gently sprinkled a small pinch of incense powder into the incense burner.
When the powder touches the still-warm incense ash, a wisp of extremely fine, almost invisible blue smoke slowly rises from the point of contact.
It rose very slowly and straight, struggling to draw its last thin and fragile trajectory in the stagnant air, before completely dissipating without a trace in the void beyond Chi Jingyuan's sight.
Chi Jingyuan's gaze followed the wisp of smoke until it completely dissolved into the air. At the same time, he felt as if something had been taken away from him, a sense of emptiness, as if something had disappeared.
But it also seemed as if we had said goodbye to something, and let go of something.
After the ceremony, Chi Jingyuan slowly stood up and took a step back.
According to procedure, he should bow one more time, and then the farewell and mourning would be completely finished.
But instead of doing that directly, he stood there, raised his head, and quietly looked at the photo in front of him.
That portrait, gently cradled by a wall of lilies, is truly heartwarming; that smile still seems to be kissed by flowers and sunlight.
The flickering candlelight on the altar below occasionally illuminated the portrait, adding a touch of ethereal warmth to the smile, yet it vanished in an instant.
As Chi Jingyuan gazed at that smiling face, he unconsciously drifted into a daze, as if he were seeing that close friend who often appeared by his side again.
"Jingyuan, I envy you."
"Everyone around you likes you, and you bring laughter and help to those around you..."
The last time the two met, the image of Jonghyun sincerely confiding in him in the hot spring uncontrollably appeared before his eyes.
The swirling smoke and the vivid expressions were so clear, as if it had happened just yesterday.
Going back further, we had dinner together more than two months ago. Chi Jingyuan was in a low mood that day, and he was trying to comfort him.
Further back, it seems that Ji Kyung-won heard about Kim Jonghyun's breakup and called to comfort him.
All sorts of memories kept surfacing before my eyes at this moment, like a farewell ceremony, flashing brilliantly in a revolving lantern, scene after scene flashing back in my mind.
Until the moment the two first met.
"Annyeonghaseyo, I'm Kim Jonghyun from SHINE... Aigoo, you're even more handsome than rumored."
In my memory, this man patted his shoulder forcefully, and his sunny smile seemed to overlap with the black and white portrait in front of him.
Suddenly, all the memories and images vanished like smoke, and his consciousness returned to the real world. The pungent smell coming from his nose told Chi Jingyuan where he was.
When Chi Jingyuan came to his senses, he realized that he had been standing in front of the offering table for a long time, which would normally have been obstructing other people's mourning.
Fortunately, he chose the right time; no new people arrived at that moment, so no one reminded him.
However, since it was his last meeting with his friend, he certainly couldn't be an unwelcome guest at such an important ceremony.
Chi Jingyuan let out a soft breath, pursed his dry lips, and stared at the portrait above him with bloodshot eyes, even after catching up on sleep, as if he were looking at it directly.
But a subtle smile gently curved the corners of her lips.
He smiled.
"They said they were always wearing a mask, unable to show their true selves, and always wanted to escape and be themselves."
"But after finally being yourself for once, is it really going to just turn around and leave without even saying goodbye?"
"That's so reckless, bro."
Chi Jingyuan reached out and gently wiped the white flower on his chest. His fingertips, which had just been dusting off the ash, still retained a slightly rough texture.
"After reading your suicide note, I realized how highly you regarded me."
"How could you think of me like that? Am I really that great? I don't even know myself."
"However, I might disappoint you, brother... I'm not as good as you think."
"And I will never become the perfect person in your mind."
Looking at the portrait in the flower wall, I vaguely saw Kim Jonghyun with a bright smile, waving and greeting me, listening attentively to my words.
"However... let's start from yesterday, no, from today, no... let's start from now."
"From now on, I might be more careful, more sincere, and become a little better... maybe not as good as you imagine, but I should be better than before."
"After all, you've taught me some principles by using yourself as an example. It's hard not to remember them or not to have a deep feeling about them."
"Anyway, it's always good to make yourself better, right?"
"But then again, you really are something. You had already decided to leave, yet you still had to say all those irrelevant things to me in your suicide note, making me feel so bad and like I've let you down."
"But since you envy me so much, while I don't even realize it, I won't blame you."
"Okay, I'm not talking to you anymore."
With a faint smile on his lips, Chi Jingyuan gazed at the handsome portrait before him, took one last look, and then bowed deeply, completing the final memorial service.
"Goodbye."