My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 576

"I object!" Just as I seized the opportunity to raise my hand, a smug look on my face, Komachi's expression was filled with disdain. (Note: Ace Attorney reference)

"Ugh, so annoying...that's exactly what I mean by that."

After being criticized in a serious tone, even I could only obediently bow my head and admit my mistake. Komachi looked at my repentant posture with satisfaction, then calmed down and continued talking.

"Let me think... Well then, next up is the second seed..."

"Eh... is that selection process still going to continue?"

My tone was quite timid, while Komachi looked smug.

"Of course! Komachi still has plenty of cards left!"

"Wait, why does this feel like a duel? Can we stop talking about my marriage? Even if you send your brother to the graveyard, you still can't summon your sister-in-law. Summoning a wife requires too many tributes; if necessary, we might just get a divorce immediately." (Note: This is a Yu-Gi-Oh! reference; summoning a high-level monster card requires sacrificing 1-2 monster cards to the graveyard as tributes; the duel refers to a Yu-Gi-Oh! duel.)

It's my turn. I set "Divorce," "Property Division," and "Consolation Money" to the field and end my turn. Next, I just need to activate the Trap Card "Incompatibility" to complete the "Divorce and Return to Mother's Home" combo.

However, Komachi ignored the group and, as if moving an invisible box aside, continued speaking.

(Note: The original text is 小町は見えない箱を置くジェスチャーをし. I haven't found any related meme yet. It appeared once more later. If anyone knows more, please add it.)

"Hmm, let's not talk about that for now... Ah, next up is the unexpected Miura-neechan, how about it?"

"This is way beyond expectations... Impossible. It's really no way. Absolutely impossible. That's Miura, you know. No way. Absolutely impossible. Komachi, even when you're joking, you should think about it a little. Even if it's just a hypothetical situation, it's related to your brother's future, you know."

"No, it's because you rejected me too quickly, brother... It seems like you really like Miura-neechan..."

Well, it does seem like I like him when we compare... and he's a nice person... but if I joke like that, Komachi will keep asking questions, so I coughed a few times.

"Well, before considering my side, the other side really disliked me."

"Well, since most people dislike my older brother, let's ignore that for now..."

"Wait a minute? I'm actually aware of that myself."

Komachi seemed to have said something that couldn't be ignored without her noticing, and her hands moved as if she were moving invisible boxes. If she kept doing this, the invisible boxes would pile up higher and higher.

"I think Miura-neechan would make a good mother!"

"Yeah, that's right. And I feel like the kid's hair will grow really long. He'll probably dye it without permission around fifth grade and then cause trouble at school."

"Ah—...I used to go to Don Quijote often before I got married, but after starting a family, I feel like I've switched to Aeon..." (Note: Don Quijote is Japan's largest chain of convenience stores and discount stores, while Aeon is one of the largest department store retailers in Japan and Asia.)

"No, no, no, it sounds more like Kawasaki-san. Miura would probably be more fashionable. She usually goes to shopping malls, and she might only go to a department store like Isetan once a year at most."

"Can't tell the difference... then, next candidate."

Komachi sighed, and after moving on to the next topic, she sipped her coffee gently, then suddenly made a suggestion as if she had just remembered something.

"Oh, how is Ebina-neechan doing?"

Because of the rather unexpected name that was nominated, I suddenly fell into deep thought.

"Ah—...it seems neither of us is interested in the other. If there's no communication and we don't interfere in each other's lives, it's not impossible. Without considering family life, if we just complement each other's strengths in social life, registering for marriage is still possible."

"That sounds exactly like a modern couple... By the way, what advantages are you referring to?"

"Getting a loan should be easier after you get married. There are also tax deductions like child support deductions. And with the increasing trend of being single, this practice is becoming more and more popular."

I showed off some of the rudimentary knowledge I had learned, and Komachi stared blankly at me, then her expression gradually turned sad, her eyes looking as if she had seen something sorrowful.

"...My brother's views on marriage are seriously distorted."

"No, it's just an example... Let's continue with this advanced way of thinking?"

Don't let my appearance fool you; I'm a man aiming to become the governor of Chiba Prefecture. The old-fashioned image of my husband goes without saying, and his revolutionary lifestyle is perfectly understandable. After reciting part of my unfinished gubernatorial campaign manifesto, Komachi began to think. Then, as if she had grasped something, she nodded.

"I see... Well, in the worst-case scenario, even if the marriage partner is Hayama-nii-san, Komachi can understand."

"No, that's impossible. Hayama is absolutely impossible. Gender aside, his personality is the biggest problem."

I answered instantly. However, even so, I didn't completely rule it out. To avoid being hit by the strongest Noble Phantasm—the "Political Correct Stick"—I refused, citing my poor compatibility with Hayama as the reason. (Note: The original text is ポリコレ棒, composed of ポリ (an abbreviation of Politics) + コレ (an abbreviation of Correct), originally meaning politically correct. Here, it seems Hachiman, to avoid being seen as homophobic, rejected the possibility between them based on his personality.)

Komachi seemed to understand this and continued to nominate the next candidate.

"Ah, then, if it's a household..."

"like"

I answered instantly. Without a reason. Forget about Governor Chiba, my aura was like I was about to storm into national politics and amend the laws. But perhaps it was because my aura was too overwhelming, Komachi seemed to be pressured as well.

"Wow, that was fast, brother. You haven't even said your full name yet... I meant to say it's Brother Hubu..."

"Oh, really... By the way, who is the Ministry of Revenue?"

After I finished speaking, Komachi sighed heavily again. Although the mist she exhaled slowly did not appear white in the warm room, some color could still be seen.

Soon after, Komachi suddenly revealed a smile that seemed to say, "I really can't do anything about you."

"Well, as long as my brother is happy, Komachi thinks anyone is fine with me."

"First, Komachi needs to find her own happiness. That's my happiness. Hachiman scored very high on that last sentence."

Following Komachi's signature move, I replied in this way. Komachi was stunned for a moment, but then smiled.

"It feels like the road ahead is long..."

Komachi finished speaking as if giving up, picked up her mug, stood up from the kotatsu, and walked towards the kitchen. Watching Komachi's retreating figure, I fell into deep thought.

I apologize to Komachi's future sister-in-law and ask for a little more time so I can have my sister all to myself for a while longer.

×××

Before the water in the kitchen boiled, I quietly watched my brother fiddling with the card on the kotatsu.

Although she said a lot, Komachi wasn't actually that worried. Having watched him so closely for fifteen years, even someone as useless as her brother would have noticed many of his good points. Therefore, she wondered if there might be someone special who would notice.

The person who reaches out from above to pull the older brother up, the person who pushes the older brother forward from below... or rather, another method... (Note: "上から引っ張り上がる、下から押し上げる" refers to two different approaches. The former is reaching out from above to pull the older brother up, setting an example and guiding him on the path. The latter is being in the same position to support the other person. It appeared in the last interlude of volume 14.)

Although she didn't know in what way it would happen, Komachi had a feeling that there must be people like that, holding hands together.

Until that day comes, Komachi will continue searching for her sister-in-law (tentative).

Short Story Collection 1: Yukino Side - That answer has vanished with the wind.

Taiwanese version reprinted from Late Night Book Club

Published by: Late Night Book Club

Forum: ritdon.com

Author: Hirofumi Ishikawa / Illustration: Qiefu

"You autistic guy, you're really awful..."

"How could you have such disgusting thoughts? I really want to crack open your head and see what's inside—no, never mind. What's inside is just as disgusting anyway."

Feeling utterly ashamed after being insulted like that, I rushed out of the Service Society office.

I probably don't need to explain who said which line. The simple yet heart-wrenching line is by Yuihama, while the long and heart-wrenching line is by Yukinoshita.

It suddenly occurred to me that all the women around me are like Nana, whose lyrics (in a negative sense) strike right at the heart... Or rather, as many as half of humanity are Nana. I think Earth should just be renamed "Mizuki Nana's Grand Performance: Mizuki Nana's Passionate Singing (Note 1)". One day, when I introduce myself to aliens, I'll say, "Hello, I'm Hachiman Hikigaya from Mizuki Nana's Grand Performance: Mizuki Nana's Passionate Singing," and they might be startled, thinking, "The ruler of this guy's planet has an incredibly strong sense of self-assertion."

I escaped not Earth's gravity, but the gravity of the clubhouse. But I didn't know where to go, so I decided to go check out the classroom of Class 2-F first.

It was very hot, so I opened the window, and the wind rushed into the empty classroom, blowing the curtains all the way up.

I randomly picked a seat and looked around the classroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the summer sunlight streaming through the window, making the unlit classroom seem even dimmer.

This situation reminds me of... the day I confessed to the girl I had a crush on after school... uh, that's a situation that really hits the heart.

Both the past and the present are wounding my soul. If I were Skoki, I'd probably be heartbroken before the ghosts of the future visit. (Note 2)

I swung my legs and pondered.

Thinking about it carefully... why did I have to be scolded like that by Yuihama and Yukinoshita just now?

I just said, "I think Chiba-kun (Note 3) is a pervert."

Because, that thing looks like it's designed to arouse sexual desire, right? A completely red body is clearly evidence of being in heat. Many animals change color to a more vibrant hue during their estrus cycle. One theory is that women use red lipstick and blush because they can attract the attention of both sexes by displaying an expression similar to that of someone in heat.

In addition, the tongue sticking out of the mouth and the upturned nose are definitely alluding to some kind of protrusion.

In addition, Chiba-kun's mascot costume is different from the style in the pictures; he's chubby and looks incredibly cuddly. Seeing him in person, few people could resist his chubby charm.

Furthermore, "cheeba" is a colloquial term for marijuana in English. Given this, I have to conclude that it's essentially a walking, talking pleasure substance.

—When I finished recounting my opinions, the air in the office plummeted to freezing point.

If you had accidentally said at the victory celebration of the French Revolution, "Don't you think Marie Antoinette is quite lovely?" the atmosphere probably wouldn't have been so awkward.

But Mary is really cute. She'll eventually awaken and become a queen. I've read the whole "The Rose of Versailles," so I know a lot about this kind of thing. I'm confident that even if I were reincarnated into that era at this moment, I would survive as Hachiman Hikigaya, transforming into the mysterious, fallen nobleman Roland de Grira (Note 4).

With this feeling in mind, I had the illusion of seeing the tricolor flag fluttering in the sky over distant France, and that's when...

"Hachiman, why are you wandering here?"

A figure stood at the classroom door. Wearing a coat and fingerless gloves on this sweltering day, just seeing him made me feel hot.

"Oh, it's a timber base."

As soon as I called his name, the guy walked over here, and for some reason he seemed a little happy.

"By the way, Hachiman, the character '橋' (hachiman) refers to a person leading a cow along the side—"

"Ah, you don't need to explain to me."

Those with chuunibyou (middle school syndrome) tend to use complex vocabulary and seize every opportunity to incorporate it into conversations, trying to explain its etymology. How do I know this? Because I've also suffered from that condition (using the word "suffered" is an idiom). My middle school essays were filled with Chinese characters, utterly pathetic. Phrases like "The Chihuahua nearby is howling," "The child who fell in the park is crying bitterly," and "The ants on the ground are domineering"—a city straight out of a demonic realm appeared on the paper.

The man in the wooden seat sat down next to me, making the table creak.

"Are you troubled? Why not talk to me, my formidable foe, my friend? The Swordmaster General's suggestion box is always open."

I'm really bad at handling this kind of "male friendship" vibe.

Discussing the Service Club matter with Zaimokuza will most likely yield no useful advice. After all, that guy is even more useless than me.

However, a wicked thought of wanting to see him as a piece of trash popped into my head.

"Actually... like this, like that, like this, like this, like this, to see a thousand miles further, one must hang oneself on a branch in the southeast."

“Hmm…”

The lumberjack crossed his arms and closed his eyes in deep thought for a while. He seemed to be thinking more seriously than I had imagined. I felt a little guilty.

Soon after, the wood stand stared wide-eyed.

"Hachiman, you...so you're a beast enthusiast?"

"Um?"

I tilted my head. To make up for the guilt I had just felt.

The wooden stool put its hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, it's okay. Don't let my appearance fool you, I understand people like you. Light novelists have to be experts in all sorts of fetishes."

"Being a light novel writer is really tough."

I feel like I haven't conveyed what I wanted to say to him at all.

"But... putting aside your fetish, it's a bit cowardly to be mocked by two women and choose to swallow your anger. Couldn't you just stand up straight and retort, 'Simply beast-eared girls won't do; I'm only excited by real beastmen with animal snouts and mouths!'"

"Uh, I don't like that kind of thing—"

"How can a grown man be so weak! Give them a piece of your mind!"

"Don't force me to do things my way. Do you have the guts to confront Yuigahama and Yukinoshita directly?"

Upon hearing my question, the woodworker chuckled.

Do you think someone who wants to be a light novel author would have a way of talking back to girls?

"Being a light novel writer is really tough."

"Besides, I'm not good at dealing with those two people. Especially Ms. Yukinoshita, to be honest, she's a bit scary."

This guy is really useless. He's completely incompetent.

I started to feel like an idiot, and stood up to look out the window.

A sharp laugh reached my ears. Looking down, I saw three brightly dressed girls chatting as they walked toward the school gate.

On a sudden impulse, I took out my phone. The time was 3:40 PM.

"Look at that spot... it's time..."

"what?"