My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

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"I still want the 'real thing'."

My eyes suddenly felt hot, my vision blurred, and all I could hear was my own panting.

Yukinoshita and Yuihama looked slightly surprised when they saw me.

It was so embarrassing to beg someone with tears streaming down my face. I really don't want to admit this is me, and I don't want or can let others see me like this. My words are fragmented, without any theory or causal connection; they are just my own ramblings.

Whenever the humid heat makes my throat vibrate, words seem to want to escape my lips. I repeatedly bite down and swallow them back.

"An autistic man..."

Yui gently raised her hand. However, the distance between us was too great for either of us to reach out to; her hand couldn't touch me and fell limply to her side.

Not only hands, but perhaps even words cannot be conveyed.

What can be said in just a few words? Even if it were spoken, the other party would never understand. Given this, what is the point of insisting on saying it if not self-satisfaction? Or rather, this is precisely the kind of deception we hate so much, the kind of falsehood we can't do anything about.

But even after racking my brains and exhausting all my thoughts, I still couldn't find an answer. I didn't even know what to do. So in the end, all that was left was this hopeless desire.

"I...cannot understand."

Yukinoshita spoke quietly, hugging her shoulders tighter, her expression contorted in pain.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, then stood up from her seat and walked towards the door without looking back.

"Xiao Yukino!"

Yui got up to chase after him, but then remembered me left in my seat and turned back.

I just stared blankly at everything.

Through my blurred vision, after Yukinoshita left the clubhouse, I exhaled the burning breath that had been building up in my chest.

It's finally over—at this moment, I might actually feel a sense of relief.

"hurry up!"

Yui grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Our faces were very close, and she gazed into my eyes, which were filled with tears.

"...We have to go find her!"

"No, never mind..."

The conclusion is clear; I have nothing more to say, no more ideas to convey. I let out a few dry laughs and shifted my gaze elsewhere.

However, Yuihama did not give up.

"We absolutely have to go! Yukino said she doesn't understand, which means she doesn't know what to do... I feel the same way, I have absolutely no idea. But we can't let things end like this! This is the first time I've seen Yukino like that, this is our only chance, so we absolutely have to go..."

Yui released my arm and gripped my hand tightly. That hand was so warm.

She pulled my hand again, but not as forcefully as before; instead, she used a slight pressure to test my intentions. Yuihama said she didn't know what to do, and I think she wasn't lying. She continued to hold my hand, anxiously looking up at my face.

So, I gently waved her hand away.

At that moment, she let her hands fall limply, her face showing an expression that was about to cry.

However, I'm not rejecting her; I don't feel the need to hold her hand out of insecurity. I can walk on my own and don't need anyone's help. If we're going to hold hands, it's not now, at least.

I can still move around on my own two feet.

"...I can walk by myself. Hurry up."

After saying that, I walked towards the gate.

"……Um!"

Yui followed immediately. Hearing her footsteps, I opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

As soon as I stepped outside, I saw a figure standing motionless like a statue—Iroha Isshiki.

"Ah, senior. Um... I was just about to come find you..."

Isshiki hurriedly tried to explain, but now was not the time to ask so many questions.

"Iroha? Sorry, we're busy right now."

After Yui finished speaking, she immediately ran out. I was about to follow her when Isshiki called me back.

"Senior, I'm here to inform you that today's meeting is canceled... and, also—"

"Okay, got it."

Before she could finish speaking, I gave her a quick reply and hurried to catch up with Yui, who was waiting ahead. This time, Isshiki grabbed the hem of my coat.

I turned my head and saw her sigh helplessly and point her finger upwards.

"Please let me finish speaking... Yukinoshita-senpai is upstairs!"

"Sorry, thanks."

After quickly thanking her, I immediately said to Yui:

"Yuihama, upstairs!"

Yuihama immediately turned back and ran up the stairs with me.

If you go upstairs, it's probably on a sky bridge.

The corridor on the fourth floor of the special building connects to the school building. There is no roof there, so it is like the top floor. In addition, there is no shelter on all sides, so in winter, almost no one goes there to feel the wind on cold evenings.

Climbing the stairs leads to the platform that connects to the sky bridge.

I opened the glass door and stepped onto the skywalk.

The last rays of sunlight in the western sky were blocked by the special building, while light shone through the glass windows of the corridor; the eastern sky also began to darken.

She leaned against the railing, lost in thought. The setting sun illuminated her long, black hair, which fluttered in the cold wind, and her porcelain-white skin. Her eyes, filled with sorrow, gazed at the distant buildings dotted with lights.

"Xiao Yukino!"

Yui ran to her side, and I slowly walked over, panting.

"Under the Snow..."

Snow did not turn back.

But she did hear a call, a whispered trembling voice:

"I can not understand."

She repeated what she had said at Du's office.

Upon hearing this, I immediately stopped in my tracks.

The cold wind separated us on either side, and Xue Xia slowly turned around, as if swaying in the wind. Her moist eyes were lifeless, and only her hands, placed in front of her chest, were clenched into fists.

Ignoring her wind-blown hair, she asked me in a hoarse voice.

"What exactly is this 'real thing' you're talking about?"

"I also……"

To be honest, I don't know myself. It's something I've never seen or received before, so I can't describe what it's like, and no one else could possibly understand. Nevertheless, I still have a deep-seated hope for it.

Seeing that I couldn't answer for a long time, Yuihama took a step forward and gently placed her hand on Yuki's shoulder.

"It's alright, Yukino."

"...What do you mean it doesn't matter?"

She smiled shyly, feeling embarrassed.

"Actually, I don't know much about it either..."

She touched the bun on her head, her smile fading, and took another step closer to the snow, placing her other hand on her shoulder as well, looking directly at her.

"So, I feel that I need to speak out to understand better. But that might still not be enough. We'll probably never truly understand each other, but even then, can it really be considered understanding...? I'm not even sure myself... But, but... I..."

A tear slid down Yuihama's cheek.

"I don't want things to stay like this forever..."

The taut string finally snapped. Yui pulled Yukinoshita towards her, hugged her shoulders, and began to sob. Yukinoshita couldn't embrace her; she exhaled, her lips trembling.

I shifted my gaze slightly away from them.

No matter how much I thought about it back then, I could only come up with that kind of answer and think of those words. Why was Yui Hama able to say such a thing?

There's someone who just flaunts his awkward theory of mixing reality and illusion, going in circles all the time.

There is a person who remains silent forever, unable to properly express their inner thoughts.

Without words, we cannot convey our thoughts; with words, misunderstandings arise. In the end, what do we truly understand?

The beliefs held by Yukino Yukinoshita, the relationship pursued by Yui Yuigahama, and the true essence desired by Hachiman Hikigaya—

I still don't know how big the gap is between these three.

However, the genuine tears truly told me that we were not mistaken at this moment.

Yuihama leaned on Yukinoshita's shoulder, and Yukinoshita gently stroked her hair.

"Why are you crying... You really are... so despicable."

Yukinoshita rested her head on Yuihama's shoulder, letting out a soft sob.

They stood there, leaning on each other. After a while, Yukinoshita let out a deep breath and lifted her face.

"...Hikigaya-san."

"Um."

I waited quietly for her next words. She didn't turn her head, but I could still hear the determination in her voice, which was full of strong will.

"I accept your commission."

"...Thank you."

I lowered my head slightly. Those two simple words almost made me choke up. When I looked up, Yui had already moved her head away from Yuki's shoulder.

"I'll help too..."

Yui looked over and said in a trembling voice. When her eyes met mine, her crying expression turned into a smile.

“…Thank you.”

For some reason, I subconsciously looked up.

The next second, the orange-red sky became a blur.

Volume 9, Chapter 7: One Day, Yui Yuigahama—

As soon as I got home, I collapsed onto the sofa.

After that, the group silently returned to the office, saying their goodbyes with unspeakable embarrassment and awkwardness.

Yukinoshita was the first to leave the clubroom, citing the need to return the keys. I, too, couldn't wait to get out of there, so I hurried towards the bicycle parking area, while Yuihama rushed towards the bus stop. Looking back, it seems we only exchanged a few brief words before quickly parting ways.

The events of today are vividly replaying in my mind.

I actually said something so embarrassing...

Ughh ...

I rolled around on the sofa, screaming inwardly and letting out low groans. The sofa wasn't very big, so I probably rolled three and a half times before crashing to the floor with a thud.

Startled by the sudden noise, the house cat Xiaoxue rushed out from her warm bed under the table, ran around the living room several times, and then fled in a flash.

Xiaoxue's energetic running around was beyond my expectations. Thinking about it, it actually makes sense; after all, cheetahs are felines, and the hunter is a character from a comic book where the author often goes out to gather material.

So, with a bunch of random thoughts swirling in my mind, I lay sprawled on the carpet.

"...I want to die."

I muttered to myself.

When painful memories resurface, people go through two phases. The first phase is a frenzied state with destructive impulses, and the second phase is a depressed state consumed by melancholy.

I thrashed about wildly, then stopped abruptly like a puppet with its strings cut, oscillating back and forth between the two states. It was just like a cicada that seemed dead, but upon closer inspection, managed to squeeze out some strength to continue struggling. I really am no different from an insect.

After facing myself again and going through a period of pain, I had a fleeting thought of giving up. I let out a big breath and turned over. Just then, I met the gaze of Komachi, who had just walked into the living room and was dumbfounded by what she had witnessed.

"...Brother, what's wrong?"

She spoke with a mixture of fear and helplessness. But no matter how cute my younger sister was, I simply couldn't muster the energy to respond. I turned my face away and answered listlessly:

"Leave me alone. My brother is going through an identity crisis."