My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 194

The other person noticed me entering the office and immediately raised their hand to greet me energetically, their bun hairstyle bobbing back and forth.

Yui Yuigahama. My classmate, and also a member of the Service Club like me. She looks like an ordinary modern high school girl, and by all accounts, she shouldn't be the type to initiate conversations with me, yet somehow I've ended up in the club without even realizing it. Her personality isn't so much like a puppy; from an animalistic perspective, perhaps "raccoon dog" would be a more apt description.

The table in front of Yuihama was piled high with snacks, it seemed they were about to enjoy their after-school tea time (Note 2: the name of the band formed by the main characters in the anime series "K-ON!").

Steam rose slowly from the mug. Black tea was poured gently from the teapot into a simple teacup placed to the side.

The person carrying the teapot used her slender fingertips to brush aside her long, straight, glossy black hair. Her fair profile, like white porcelain, glowed with a rosy hue reminiscent of red tea in the setting sun.

I'm not very familiar with afternoon tea etiquette, but the way Yukino Yukinoshita behaved made me feel her excellent upbringing. You could easily believe she was a noblewoman from some region.

Once the tea and snacks were ready, Yukinoshita sat down quietly.

"Then, let's have tea."

As soon as Yukinoshita spoke, Yuihama immediately clasped her hands together in prayer.

"I'm starting."

"Please enjoy your meal."

I felt there was a hint of childish play in their interaction, but the atmosphere was too perfect for such a comment. If you asked me what the most superfluous thing in this classroom was right now, I'm sure it would be myself.

This might be the reason—the refreshments on the table were all missing mine. Please, no, don't just leave me out… This is exactly the same situation as when I was a staff member at a concert for a day, and only my lunchbox came with chopsticks. There's only been one moment in my life when I wanted to learn to eat with my hands like Indians. Although there's a convenience store nearby so it's not this bad… Damn event management.

"Ah, this is for the autistic guy..."

After bringing the teacup to his lips and swallowing a large gulp of what appeared to be a handmade muffin, Yubin spoke up.

Yukinoshita seemed to notice this as well, quietly placing her teacup on the coffee table and glancing around it. Naturally, there weren't any extra cups.

But there's no need to worry or fret. A true lone wolf is always ready to be a lone wolf. After all, nobody's going to care about me anyway.

"It's okay, I'm prepared."

I yanked a drink out of my bag—a black and yellow warning-colored beverage packaged like a dangerous item. From the very first sip, it was an orgasm (Note 3: a famous line from Momotaros, a character in the tokusatsu series *Kamen Rider Den-O*, and also a popular term on Nico Nico Douga. The original word for orgasm, "クライマックス," also includes "MAX"). Yes, it was MAX coffee. Rather than an orgasm, it was more like the source of the humor from the very beginning.

I sat in my usual spot and pulled the tab on the M can (meaning MAX canned coffee). When the coffee has cooled slightly to just the right temperature, the intense sweetness of the condensed milk becomes even more potent—a flavor connoisseur loves. Considering its sugar content, it wouldn't be surprising if this stuff were ever officially listed as military rations by the Self-Defense Forces.

MAX Coffee is the solution for mountain climbing disasters. We recommend carrying it with you when hiking.

Everyone had a drink, and Yukino slowly pulled out her laptop. While it was understandable during her time as an executive member of the school festival, the reason Yukino carries a laptop with her now is truly baffling; I can only stare at her blankly. Putting that aside, "laptop" and "not wearing underwear" look quite similar at first glance, right? (Note 4: The Japanese for "laptop" is "ノㄧトブック・パㄧソナル・コンピュㄧタ" (notebook personal computer), abbreviated as "ノㄧパソ"; "not wearing underwear" is "ノㄧパンッ" (no pants), abbreviated as "ノㄧパン"). "Not wearing underwear" "Not wearing underwear" "Not wearing underwear" "Not wearing underwear" "Not wearing underwear"—one of these five phrases isn't actually "laptop" but rather "not wearing underwear." Which one is it? Please answer!

Just as I was mentally conducting a witty Q&A session, Yuihama, who was happily munching on a muffin, stared incredulously at the laptop in Yukinoshita's hand. Incidentally, the correct answer to that question was "None of the above wear underwear!"

"Why is Yukino carrying that?"

"Hiratsuka-sensei has given me something new. Apparently, it's about new activities..."

Yukino, who had just turned on the power and was waiting for her computer to boot up, gave a brief answer. However, it seems that Yukino herself wasn't very clear about the details of the event.

Because the computer was a bit old, the boot-up process took some time. During this time, Yukinoshita placed her hand on her chin, adopting her usual posture when thinking, her eyes fixed on the screen.

Influenced by Yui, Yui and I also peeked at the screen from behind her. On the desktop, which had never changed its background image, there was a text file called "Read me!"

There were no other work-related files on the desktop. Yukinoshita slid her finger across the cursor and clicked on the file.

Dear members of the Service Society:

As part of a new activity of the Service Society, we are now offering email consultations for your concerns.

This event is named "Chiba-dori Troubleshooting Email".

Please all members work together to resolve everyone's problems.

Service Club Instructor: Shizuka Hiratsuka

After reading the extremely concise article above, the three people present reacted in vastly different ways.

"...I see, I understand now. Basically, all I need to do is respond appropriately to the inquiries and reply. But how many people will actually write in to ask questions...?"

Compared to the content of the event, Yukinoshita seemed more concerned with the operational aspects, sometimes squinting one eye and sometimes staring intently at the text, repeatedly reading it.

On the other hand, Yuihama's eyes widened.

"Um, was Hiratsuka-sensei always this serious...?"

As expected of Yuihama, her points of surprise perfectly match her personality. I'm almost ready to just call her "Yuihama-kun" (meaning "As Expected Hama-kun").

"No, no, that's how the teacher's emails are always. It's not like that usually, so it's quite surprising."

"So that's how it is... huh?"

Yuihama seemed to be thinking about something, and after a while, she suddenly turned her head and looked at me again.

Yes, I can understand why Yuihama was so surprised. Teachers are always like this. Should I call them a roughneck, a bumblebee, an avalanche, or a beast god...? At least, the impression of them being polite, handsome, or serious is almost zero.

"The teacher is basically a decent adult, right?"

As soon as I said that, Yui and Yukinoshita both looked at me with surprise.

"...Your statement sounds like you frequently exchange emails with your teacher."

Yukinoshita uttered those words in a cold voice, her hands silently clasped in front of her chest, staring at me with a gaze so sharp it seemed to pierce through. But I didn't see any reason why someone should stare at me for something like that.

"It's less about exchanging emails and more like one-way correspondence. Like newsletters, Amazon emails, McDonald's emails, you know. They occasionally send those super long emails."

"...Is that so? Anyway, it's none of my business."

After giving a brief reply, Yukinoshita turned to face the computer. The clicking of the keyboard sounded significantly louder than before, interspersed with a few murmurs.

"A long email... I think I'm starting to think of some troublesome questions I need to ask."

I find Yuihama's rambling style a little scary... No, honestly, I also want to know how to avoid receiving long emails? Because if I don't reply, the next thing I get is a phone call...

Just as I was about to start writing my troubles consultation letter, Yukinoshita stopped typing.

"Someone wrote to me right away."

"Oh, someone actually sends them. Let me see~"

Yui walked around to the back of Yukinoshita and put her arm around her shoulder from behind. The fact that she could make physical contact with someone so naturally was befitting of a girl at the top of the school hierarchy.

"...It's very heavy."

Yukinoshita muttered to herself. "What exactly is so heavy?" Although I was very interested in that, I knew that continuing to ask would only lead to trouble, so I decided to pretend I didn't hear her and asked something else.

What was the content of the letter?

"I see... the pen name '腐生物' (Note 5: the emoticon '┌（┌^O^）┐ホモォ……' circulating on Japanese Twitter, originally used to allude to women who like BL works, later became a kind of internet meme through secondary creations, etc.)... this emoticon looks really weird."

OK, I think I know who wrote this letter.

"You don't need to read that letter anymore."

As soon as I spoke, Yukinoshita, who was sitting in front of the computer, seemed to agree with me. She reached out and pressed her temples to stop her headache and sighed softly.

"Yes, I could have guessed that too."

"Well, let's read it anyway! I'll read it to you!"

Yuihama reached out and tugged at Yukinoshita's sleeve. Yukinoshita was somewhat annoyed, but faced with this puppy-dog-like pleading, she couldn't bring herself to refuse. As she moved Yuihama's hand away and told her to pull it back, Yukinoshita said:

"I understand, stop tugging at my sleeve. I'll listen to it for now. Just for now..."

"Okay! I'll start reading then!"

Yuihama began reading the email. Yukinoshita seemed reluctant, but still adopted a listening posture.

You're spoiling Yuihama way too much. What's going on here? Is this some kind of princess bimonthly magazine (Note 6 alludes to the Japanese Ichijinsha bimonthly magazine "Comic Yuri Hime," which focuses on romance between women. The manga "Easy Yuri" is serialized there). I watched the two of them doing lighthearted yuri, and the atmosphere was so wonderful that I couldn't help but smile. Yuihama continued reading:

Pen name: Letters from Mr./Ms. Rotten Life

Since the school anniversary celebration, the relationship between some male classmates (H classmate H and H classmate H (Note 7: Hikigaya and HaYama both start with the letter H.)) has made me feel very uncomfortable.

Both sides are paying too much attention to each other's every move, I think that's very appropriate for a BL pairing! H×H stuff—creepy! Super creepy! Awesome, give us more!

I feel our relationship could be closer, but I also feel that maintaining the current distance allows for more space, which is causing me considerable distress. Which path should I choose?

Whether the word "腐適適" is simply a typo is something that needs to be discussed.

Anyway, what is this guy so worried about...? First of all, what does H×H refer to? We agreed not to mention that certain hunter?

I couldn't help but feel troubled, and Yuihama also wore a wry smile. Yukinoshita, on the other hand, had long since ignored any worries and was engrossed in the world of the paperback book at hand. I understand you don't want to have anything to do with that person, but don't you think this way of handling things is going too far?

Seeing that Yukinoshita decided to ignore the matter, Yuihama on the other side stared at my face and the computer screen, seeking my opinion:

"What... what should we do...?"

I'm also confused by this. This kind of unexpected development by some male classmates...

"No, even if you ask me... it's not so much that there are two paths to choose from, but rather that it's a choice between hell and hell..."

"It's hell for the listener too..."

This guy's description is pretty good... Yukinoshita gently turned the page of the paperback, then turned to look at me and Yuihama:

Is there any solution to this problem?

"...No. Sorry, you're an introvert."

Yuihama pondered for a moment, then turned to me with a guilty expression and apologized. What a heavy atmosphere... Don't give up on first aid!

"Speaking of which, could you two please not assume that student H is me?"

Although I knew in my heart that this was the truth, I couldn't just admit it outwardly, so I tried to protest. However, Yui-hama also wore a dissatisfied expression.

"But, doesn't Hina mention it quite often...?"

So this is how I've always been the subject of discussion... Even though I'm not there, I can still be the center of attention, which is proof of being famous, but I'm not happy at all. Perhaps it should be categorized as one of the most common forms of slander and defamation I encounter? That's a more accurate description, and I feel more at peace with it.

Yukino put the bookmark back into the paperback and closed the book.

"However, it's impossible for Hachiman to get along well with anyone, so this problem doesn't exist, right?"

"I see. Then the problem is solved!"

As if to reward themselves for their hard work, the two of them started drinking tea again.

What's going on? It's good that the "H×H" theory has been refuted, but my personality has also been refuted along with it.

"...It's good that the problem can be solved, but what should we do next? Would it be better to reply?"

I tried to ask, and Yuihama and Yukinoshita both rested their hands on their chins and began to think.

"Ah, right... this is a trouble consultation, so I still have to reply."

"Well then, Hachiman, thank you for your help."

"Why me...?"

I am indeed the person closest to the computer, but what's with this rule that's no different from asking someone who's away from the stove to help get oranges? Am I even in my house right now?

I made no attempt to hide my displeasure, staring at the two of them with deadpan eyes. Yui immediately added awkwardly:

"Well, well, because, isn't your Chinese language very good?"

"Yukinoshita's Japanese language score is higher than mine, isn't it...?"

I only ranked third in the entire school year. The first place went to Yukinoshita. Speaking of her, she ranked higher than me in all her other subjects, so this was no longer a matter of resentment, but rather a matter of admiration.

However, while I'm not resentful, the annoying thing about him hasn't changed at all. The reason is that whenever it comes to grades or winning or losing, he always puts on a smug and arrogant expression towards me.

Yukinoshita is now smiling with her eyes gently closed. Although her expression is calm, the way she plays with her hair reveals her confidence.

"Hachiman, grades aren't what's important."

"What else could it be?"

"A sincere attitude... though I can't expect that from you..."

Yukinoshita answered my question immediately, but halfway through her sentence, her expression turned surprised and her brows furrowed.

Even Yuihama crossed her arms and fell into thought, beginning to murmur softly.

"I don't seem to have any motivation..."

"Your communication skills are terrible too... Hachiman, what's so great about you?"

"Stop tilting your head and making that confused face at me."

It's precisely because that blank, dazed expression is so cute that it makes people so angry...

I have countless redeeming qualities, okay? Like, well, how should I put it... I'm full of familial love and such. But if I say that, I'll probably be labeled a siscon again, so it's best not to say it. Oh right, that's it. This learning ability can also be considered one of my strengths. It's just a pity that it's a negative ability that makes me increasingly withdrawn.

I felt a pang of sadness at such a self-degrading attitude, and Yuihama, seeing this, tried to smooth things over:

"Ah, but you write very quickly!"