My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 156

I can deeply empathize with her frustration.

Everyone goes through this process.

Sagami, you're still too green. I've already gone through this process.

This is exactly the same experience I had when I skipped class and wandered around the streets alone, only to be discovered and reported to the school.

My self-awareness swelled to a critical point, finally erupted, and then I longed for others to see that version of myself—the Sagami of today is exactly who I was back then.

Therefore, I understand it very well.

I know very well what she wants to do and how she expects others to do it.

Not only that, I also know what she doesn't want others to do.

Sagami, you're five years behind me.

I had this experience back in elementary school.

I can guess where she'll go.

Those who have lost their home hope that others will find them a place to stay. Since their own eyes cannot find the answer, they can only ask others to guide them.

What I need to do next is filter the possible locations onto a mental map.

Sagami wants everyone to go out of their way to find her, so she must still be on campus, and in a very conspicuous place. Following this logic, she wouldn't be hiding in an empty classroom or locking herself somewhere.

Another point is that she will likely choose a place where she can be alone. If she's mixed in with a crowd, no one will be able to find her. Since Sagami has already realized that she has no value, she will naturally understand that being in a crowd will only make her feel even less present.

We can now conclude that Sagami wouldn't be in a place inaccessible by normal means; and from a psychological perspective, she wouldn't be too far away from here.

Okay, now the question is, where exactly is she?

There are still too many possible answers, and I need more information for proving and refuting them.

Speaking of the explosion of self-awareness, besides myself, there is another living example.

I took out my phone, searching for the person who came to mind.

Just open the last call log to find him. Alas, Hachiman!

"It's me."

NO CALL NO TIME (Note 89 is adapted from Yukako Kabe's novel "NO CALL NO LIFE"). The phone was answered almost instantly; Zaimokuza is truly something else. He obviously couldn't find anything to do, so he started playing with his phone. Although I wanted to praise him, time was of the essence, so I cut to the chase.

"Zaimokuzai, where do you usually go when you're alone at school?"

Why are you asking me this kind of question right off the bat? Uh-huh, I always put myself in hibernation mode.

"Answer quickly, I'm in a hurry!"

"Are you serious?"

"Tsk, I'm hanging up now."

"Wait, wait, wait! Please don't hang up! I often go to the infirmary, the balcony, and the library! And the roof of a special building too!"

There are other people in the infirmary, the balcony is shared by all classes, and the library is locked, so it's impossible to get inside... So, could it be on the roof of the special building...?

"As for other deserted areas, there's the open space between the new building and the clubhouse. It's shaded, cool, and quiet there—perfect for concentrating… By the way, who are you looking for?"

"Yes, I'm looking for the chairman of the executive committee."

"Oh, is that the woman who gave the speech on stage this morning? Looks like my abilities will come in handy..."

"Would you like to help?"

"There's really no way. Where do you want me to look?"

"Please take care of the new building. Thanks! Love you, Zaimuzu!"

"Yes, I love you too!"

"Disgusting! Shut up!"

I angrily hung up the phone.

If it's on the roof, I'm thinking of a possibility.

I sprinted towards my classroom at full speed. Running in the nearly deserted corridor was just as exhilarating as running on the playground.

However, the fact that there was hardly anyone in the corridor also increased the possibility that the person I was looking for was not there.

Please, please be there... I prayed as I ran up the stairs, and luckily, there was someone sitting in a folding chair right in front of the classroom door.

A girl with long, black-and-blue hair tied in a ponytail was lazily looking out the corridor window with a grumpy face and her long legs crossed.

I tried my best to control my erratic breathing and spoke to her.

"Kawasaki..."

"Why are you panting like that... Don't you have work on the executive committee?"

Now is not the time to explain these things to her.

"You've been to the rooftop before, haven't you?"

"Huh? Why are you suddenly asking this?"

Tell me quickly!

Time was running out, and I was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan, my tone becoming increasingly impatient.

"There's no need to be so angry..."

Kawasaki suddenly became flustered, and his eyes almost welled up with tears.

I slowly exhaled, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm not angry. I'm just in a rush to get things done for the Executive Committee."

"That's good..."

Kawasaki breathed a sigh of relief. So she was this weak, I never imagined… Ah, no, no, I need to ask her about the roof right away.

"Okay, didn't you go to the rooftop before? How do you get up there?"

"You remember so clearly..."

She looked at me shyly, whispered softly, and her tone was filled with longing.

"Didn't I say I was in a hurry?"—this was probably reflected in my expression, and she quickly returned to the original topic.

"Yes, it's the door that leads to the roof from the central staircase. The lock there is broken; many girls know that."

I see... So, it's perfectly reasonable that Sagami knew this. Moreover, it meets the condition that "others also know it."

In any case, there is no time to hesitate now; the school rooftop is the most likely place for Sagami to go.

"What happened there?"

After Kawasaki answered, she noticed my silence and asked in confusion. But before I could explain, my foot had already moved.

Wait a minute, no matter how rushed you are, you should at least thank the other person.

"Thank you! Love you, Kawasaki!"

I left those words behind and sprinted at full speed.

As I turned the corner, a high-decibel scream came from behind.

× × ×

The staircase leading to the roof was used to store props for the school anniversary celebration, so I couldn't climb up easily. Fortunately, there were gaps in the staircase for people to pass through.

The narrow gap was probably the path Sagami had taken. As I climbed the steps, her presence on the roof became stronger.

Sagami must really want to be recognized, pursued, and relied upon by everyone, just like Yukinoshita and Yuihama.

Therefore, she quickly added a street name to her name.

She wanted to use the title of "Chairperson" to make herself more valuable, thereby labeling others, bossing them around, and confirming her superior status.

The "growth" that Sagami talks about is exactly this kind of thing.

However, true growth is not like that at all.

Stop trying to deceive yourself by calling changes in the level of "playing house" a sign of "growth".

I would never call the comfortable changes and the compromises that leave us with something unrecognizable "growth," nor would I want to deceive myself by calling the end of everything "growing up."

How can people change dramatically overnight or in just a few months? This isn't Transformers.

If I could become whatever I wanted, I wouldn't be like this now.

Demanding that others change, demanding that you change, insisting that you must change, or claiming that you have truly changed—these are all lies.

Why do people so easily accept that they are wrong? Why deny their past selves? Why can't they accept themselves in this moment? Why is it worth believing in their future selves?

If you can't accept your worst self from the past, nor can you accept your current state at the bottom, do you have the right to accept others someday in the future? If you deny your past self, how can you possibly affirm your future self?

Don't assume that erasing the past and starting over will bring about any change.

Obsessed with titles from beginning to end, hypnotizing oneself to be recognized by others, indulging in the present situation, constantly saying that one is an important person, and being limited by self-imposed rules, feeling as if one's world is lost once no one reminds one of them—don't equate those states with growth!

There's no need to change at all; just stay the way you are now—why can't I say this?

The closer you get to the end of the stairs, the fewer props and materials are piled up.

We finally arrived at an open platform.

On the other side of this door lies only death.

The hide-and-seek game is over.

× × ×

As Kawasaki said, the locks here are broken. I picked up the padlock on the door and fiddled with it. If you fasten the lock, it does look like it's locked, but it can be easily released with a strong pull, which shows that getting onto the roof is not difficult at all.

I opened the old door, which was no longer able to close tightly, making a loud "squeak" sound.

A gust of wind blew by, and the blue sky expanded before my eyes.

Reaching the highest point of the school building, the distance to the sky should have been closer, but since there was nothing nearby to compare it with, the sky actually felt farther away than usual.

Sagami leaned against the fence and looked at me.

She first looked surprised, then immediately disappointed.

Yes, of course she'd be disappointed, because she hoped it wasn't me who came looking for her. Or rather, she probably didn't want me to come at all.

I felt a little embarrassed for not meeting her expectations, but I also absolutely didn't want to come to a place like this to take her back, so we were even. Please forgive me, okay?

In short, I'm now about the same as Sagami.

Therefore, I can speak to Sagami from an equal standpoint.

"The closing ceremony is about to begin, let's go back."

I will briefly and concisely state the key points.

Sagami frowned in displeasure.

"It doesn't matter if I don't participate."

After she finished speaking, she turned her back to me, which probably meant "I don't want to hear you talk anymore".

"But unfortunately, due to some factors, you absolutely have to go. There's no time left, you'd better hurry."

This isn't to brag, but even I think my ability to persuade others is pretty bad.

But at least I carefully selected the words in my mind first, deliberately avoiding what Sagami wanted to hear.

"No time... Hasn't the closing ceremony already started?"

It seems she also knows the seriousness of the situation, which makes me a little angry.

"Yes, that's how it should be, but they delayed things a bit, so—"

"Oh...so, who helped?"

"Well, Miura and Yukinoshita are a group of people."

That's what they say, but judging from the current time, Miura's group has probably finished their performance, and Yukinoshita and her group are about to take the stage.

Upon hearing this, Sagami gripped the railing tightly.

"Is that so..."