Downtown Druid

Book 3 Chapter 38: We came. I ate. People saw me. May we leave?

Jacopo grimaced as he lifted his lion mask up from his mouth to eat. He’d wanted a rat mask, as rat’s are of course the best thing to be, but Vampa had said it didn’t fit with the image that he needed to be projecting. The food he was eating appeared to be a baby bird covered in sauce. He enjoyed the crunch of its bones as he bit down and began to chew, then took another of them. It was the best of the dishes that had been prepared for the masquerade, maybe any of them he’d been to recently. The food had been the only good thing about them.

He noticed a number of men and women in one corner snorting healthy amounts of dust off of a silver platter. In another room he’d passed earlier, he’d hear the sounds of vigorous lovemaking involving no less than seven participants. Overall, the nobility of Uptown seemed to be just as debaucherous and lusty as everyone else, which is what Dantes had told him they’d be, as had Vampa. The only difference was that they did their drugs and laid their mates on far nicer materials before they did their best to use them for all they were worth.

“Bold to eat so much of the priciest dish at the expense of the others around you,” said a man smirking behind a fox mask.

He drew a few laughs for his comment which he seemed to bask in.

Jacopo had fallen into one of the thousands of social traps that existed for the nobility of Rendhold. He decided to handle it in the same way he’d handled the other incidents.

“Shut up tiny man,” he said, grabbing another of the small birds and chewing it slowly.

That drew laughs as well, along with a few sharp intakes of breath.

“How dare you, you... mutt.”

“How dare I eat food?” he asked, drawing more laughs as he shoved yet another tasty bird into his mouth, flicking the remains of its feet at the man’s coat.

The man in the fox mask huffed a bit then walked away, leaving Jacopo to finish all of the birds before deciding to try a few of the other foods. Initially, Dantes had helped him to navigate a number of conversations and confrontations with tact and grace, but Vampa had suggested a different tact, letting him act like himself. Nobles loved novelty, and Jacopo was the most novel person to join their ranks in a long time.

When he was finally full, he walked through the center of the dance floor, forcing a number of people dancing to dodge around him as he crossed. He reached the wall where Vampa was standing next to a number of other bodyguards, many of whom had been hired only recently due to all of the Uptown killings.

“We came. I ate. People saw me. May we leave?”

Vampa shook his head. “Not until you meet with the hostess. She’s on the Justice Committee. Ask her to dance, she apparently has a fondness for tall men.”

“Fine. If it will allow us to leave sooner. Which is she?” he asked, looking from right to left.

“The plump half-elf woman sitting at the table over there. The one everyone is talking to. Her name is Lysandia, but her friends call her Lys.”

“Fine,” said Jacopo as he began to move toward her, but Vampa grabbed his shoulder.

“Don’t put your hands too low. Her consort is a jealous man and it’s not worth the trouble.”

Dantes, in the back of Jacopo’s mind, wanted him to question how Vampa could possibly have figured all of that out, but Jacopo didn’t have the patience to wait for an answer to that question. He walked out of Vampa’s grip and toward the woman.

Vampa had had him and Vera practice dancing often over the last several weeks, and Jacopo was quite good at it. Vampa still insisted on giving frequent examples of certain moves using Vera in spite of Jacopo’s competence though, which Dantes found quite funny when watching the practice through his eyes.

When Vampa reached Lysandia, he gave a half bow, and extended his hand toward her.

“Dance with me,” he said, more as an order than a question.

Dantes felt his desperation and did a quick pass on the situation. “She’s trying to mate with you,” he sent, only keeping his amusement in check by because he knew how important she could be to their plans.

“But she’s pink, like a baby, and not nearly hairy enough.”

“I’m sorry she’s not a gray skinned dwarf, but she’s not bad looking for a two-leg woman by any means. I can drive if that would make this more painless for you.”

Jacopo considered that for a moment.

“Don’t keep me waiting in anticipation any longer. I want you to ravish me,” said the woman, writhing under him.

Luckily, whatever gods were in charge of situations like this, saw fit to give him an out.

A young man burst into the room, and ran toward them.

“Milady! What are you doing?” he asked as he went to tear Jacopo off of her. The man was surprisingly strong, and nearly as large as Jacopo himself, though appeared a bit younger. Jacopo let himself be removed without fuss.

“I’m trying to bed that handsome man, and he seems just as interested in the prospect as I am.”

“I am your consort, Lysandia! That is my duty.”

“Your duty seems to be bedding the maids lately.”

“I...I..”

Jacopo began to slowly head for the door.

“YOU!” said the man, pointing at him and going closer. “You have insulted my honor as well as my lady’s. I demand satisfaction!”

Jacopo stared at him blankly.

“You wish to have what she was trying to get from me?”

“How dare you!?”

“He wants to duel you.” suggested Dantes, not even trying to keep the mirth from his tone.

“Fight him to the death?”

“Yes.”

Jacopo sighed in relief. “Oh, a duel? I can do that. Want to die here or somewhere else?”