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Chapter 81 Losing Myself
Chapter 81 Losing Myself“Ahah… ahah…” Blaze gasped as she powered through a series of push-ups. Her form was tight and precise, her pace fast and steady. She had lost count long ago.
Her mind flashed—images she didn’t recognize. Faces she shouldn’t forget.
She tried to ignore the thoughts.
“Aghhh…”
But it wasn’t enough.
She stood up, walked over to a massive log resting on the ground, and hoisted it over her head with ease. Lowering it onto the back of her shoulders, she began a new set of squats.
“One… two…”
Her mind wandered again. Two blurred faces—children laughing—flashed through her thoughts.
I should have done something... her mind whispered.
She pushed harder, once again losing count, her muscles trembling with strain.
Then another vision surged—stronger than the last. A setting—distorted, unfamiliar—took shape around her.
Sob... sob...
Regret was written across her face.
She saw herself running from a shadow. A colossal, monstrous figure loomed behind her.
She ran, desperate to escape. But just as she reached the edge of the vision—someone appeared in front of her.
She couldn’t see his face.
“Please… escape. I’ll see you later,”
a warm voice echoed—but she couldn’t remember who it belonged to.
Then, once again, she saw herself crying.
…“I*****… No… please… don’t go…”
The name—missing. Blank.
Her eyes snapped open.
Her body had reached its limit. Her legs gave out, and with a final breath, she let the heavy log drop to the ground. Stumbling a few steps, she collapsed and lay on her back, staring up at the sky.
The training grounds were silent.
She was alone. The field where knights and priestesses once trained was now empty—everyone else was busy repairing the damage the city had suffered.
I’ve tried not to think about anything these past ten days… since I arrived here. But… which one is my true self? Her thoughts wandered, lost in fog and uncertainty.
Her breathing slowed. Her thoughts began to settle.
Then, a shadow fell across her face, shielding her eyes from the sun.
Startled, Blaze sat up quickly.
“Bereket— I mean… Your Grace! I… I’m sorry you had to see me in such a state,” she said, offering a quick, respectful bow.
Bereket smiled gently.
“Don’t be so formal, Sister Blaze. I actually prefer you calling me by my name.”
His eyes shifted to the large log lying nearby.
“I saw you training with that,” he said with amusement. “I wasn’t aware such methods existed for combat preparation.”
Blaze looked to the side, searching for the right words.
“I don’t know, ...Your Grace… it just feels right. It’s good for the body.”
Bereket studied her with quiet curiosity.
“You seem… different, Sister Blaze. Softer. More at ease. Not the same hardened, stoic warrior I first met. Perhaps you're beginning to remember something of your past.”
She looked back at him, uncertain. Images from the past ten days flashed through her mind—memories of how she had lived here like someone else, reacting more than thinking, a stranger in her own skin.
She remembered herself angry, rigid, and driven—like her body moved on instinct alone.
Her face grew heavier as more fragments surfaced: visions of bloody battles with demihuman folk, and of herself following orders without question—without thought. Blinding obedience. A silent fury.
As if she had wanted to forget everything… and pour all her rage into the battlefield.
Bereket stepped closer.
“There was a meeting with the upper echelons earlier today,” he said. “The inquisitors believe they’ve identified the one behind the attack.”
At those words, Blaze’s mind spun. Her chest tightened. A strange heat stirred within her—but she didn’t know why. Her thoughts drifted to the young man she had clashed with the night before.
Bereket’s voice softened, though it remained steady.
“One of the creatures they described was more beast than man—striped, feline-like… with an orange pelt. Does that sound familiar to you?”
A strange sense of calm washed over her—just for a moment. She didn’t know why, but she felt oddly relieved that he hadn’t mentioned the young man.
Her lips parted, but her voice faltered.
“I… Your Grace…”
He gently interrupted.
“Have you remembered something?”
He paused, then added,
“The day we found you… I recall such a creature. He and his lowborn companions were attacking you. Thankfully, I was out training the knights in the use of the Creator’s Light at the time.”
He smiled again—warm and kind.
Blaze lowered her gaze.
Is he the one from my memories? she wondered.
Bereket continued, thoughtful.
“You know… of all people, only you remain unreadable to my blessing from the Creator. I cannot see into your thoughts. And yet, you wield the Light with ease. Others take years to even begin to grasp it.”
Blaze turned her eyes to the horizon.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know why. Or who I really am.”
Bereket stepped back slightly, lifting his hands in a quiet, reverent gesture.
“I believe you are like me—a Blessed Child. One chosen by the Creator to carry His Light… and fulfill His will in this world.”
He turned to leave.
But just before stepping away, he added softly,
“To me, it does not matter if you remember. I believe you are someone special… to all of us.”
Then, as he walked away, his voice rang out:
“For the Dominion of the Light.”
Blaze remained still, her heart still in turmoil. Her lips barely moved as she echoed his words in a whisper:
“For the Dominion of the Light…”
Later that day, at the cathedral, the Order gathered for a solemn service.
Blaze stood fully armored at the altar, among the ranks of knights—Protectors, Punishers, and Destroyers—all lined in formation.
She glanced around. Every face was serious, reverent. The weight of the recent attack hung heavy in the air.
Then Bereket, the Blessed Child, stepped forward.
His lips moved, and his voice—soft yet grand in tone—rose through the great halls with graceful reverence:
Bereket’s eyes glowed gold with fervor as he continued reading the passage.
He finished reading and looked out over the congregation, then stepped back and allowed the High Priest to continue the mass.
Shifting his tone, the High Priest spoke solemnly,
“Brothers and sisters, today we gather to remember our fallen brethren—to honor the blood that has been spilled here in our home.”
Then his voice rose, filled with fury,
“And to make it known—this atrocity shall not go unpunished!”