DASH

Chapter 70

Even in Australia, this feeling did not go away. He trained hard, but as soon as he sat down and looked at the pool, tears began to flow. Australian coach Oliver, who noticed this, once called Jaekyong and, sitting next to him, asked: "Do you want to return to Korea? Do you miss home?"

Oliver thought that Jaekyung had something akin to nostalgia, being away from his homeland at such a young age. He offered to talk to his mother if Jaekyung didn't make up his mind.

But he just shook his head and spoke in his still broken English about the Korean athlete he admired, and how lonely he had become after he retired from the sport.

Oliver listened to Jaekyung's story with great attention, and then nodded in understanding.

"The pool itself is such a place. When you swim, you don't think about anything, but as soon as you stop, all your thoughts pile up at once. Water has this property because we first encounter it in the womb. We spent long hours there just thinking. Therefore, when we plunge into it again, reflections come upon us with renewed force. That is why many swimmers suffer from depression," he commented.

"But I don't have depression," Jaekyung hastened to object.

"Of course not," Oliver agreed. "But I'm not sure you should continue training here. It's up to you to decide. If it gets too hard for you, I'll tell your mother."

But Jaekyung immediately shook his head. He could not give up swimming.

"So you want to continue?"

Oliver asked in a soft tone, and Jaekyung nodded, "Yes, I want to reach the Grand Slam. I need it."

Oliver did not ridicule the ambition of the fourteen-year-old boy. He just patted him on the shoulder with his massive hand and said, "This is a great target. As I said before, many swimmers struggle with depression. "Some people feel better when they retire from the sport, but some don't. You have to find a path that works for you."

Oliver was right. There is no guarantee that giving up swimming will bring relief. Probably, everything will only get worse. Jaekyung experimented and tried different methods to deal with loneliness, and eventually found the one that worked best for him.

During training, he did not feel this oppressive feeling, because he was absorbed in the process. And the problem arose at the time of rest.

During the breaks, he just tried not to look at the clear surface of the water. Lying on the floor, Jaekyung covered his eyes with a towel and breathed deeply, focusing on his recovery. The main thing is not to think about anything else while you are recovering. To make this possible, you need to spend maximum energy.

He exhausted himself to such an extent that there was no energy left for reflection.

This regimen paid off: his fitness became excellent, and after three years in Australia, he was on par with any local swimmer.

As a result, the fight against loneliness made him stronger.

Jaekyung's only goal is the Grand Slam. He dreamed at night about how he would achieve his task.

Many successful athletes often appeared on television. Every time Jaekyung saw them, he wondered if he would also be invited to such interviews. Then he would have publicly declared that everything he had achieved was thanks to Jihon.

Thinking back to Hyun, Jaekyung regretted that he had never been able to communicate with him properly. In the end, he decided that if they met again, he would talk about his feelings.

It was for this reason that he became the winner at the Asian and Olympic Games and even took part in the World Championships. The last stage on the way to the Grand Slam was approaching - the Pan Pacific Games, and before that, a competition took place in Taiwan. Although Jaekyung saw no reason to participate, he nevertheless agreed after the Federation's insistent requests.

On that day, the final for 200 meters in the individual medley took place. After the competition, Jaekyung went to a press conference.

The previous team's press conference was not over yet, and he was told to wait in the break room. Fortunately, there was no one there, so Jaekyung lay down on the largest sofa behind the partition. He was exhausted and wanted to get some sleep.

Suddenly, the door opened, and he heard the voice of a young, enthusiastic guy chattering: "When I first saw you in the office, I thought you were already married."

The tone was so loud and harsh that it annoyed Jaekyung.

They didn't seem to know that there was anyone here.

"Well, you can't sleep," Jaekyung cursed to himself, rolling his eyes.

Then, another man's voice, calmer and more reserved, rang out: "Really? Do I look so old?"

— No, you just have a certain detachment and coldness, which are characteristic only of newlyweds. You almost shout with all your appearance: "I have a wife, don't come up."

"What nonsense," Jaekyung chuckled to himself. - "Is he an idiot?"

The man laughed and added, "Hmmm, then I'll continue to dress like that so that everyone thinks I'm busy."

Judging by his answer, he understood that they were rolling up to him, and subtly defended himself against further encroachments.

"Come on, hyung, don't you want to date someone?"

"I don't want to.

He answered firmly, almost as if he were openly denying the possibility. But the frivolous guy continued to flirt, either not noticing or pretending to be a fool: "Oh hyung, you can't be that serious! By not dating, you limit yourself in joy.

— I had a lot of fun at the university.

"That's completely different!"

"What else? It's all the same," the man concluded with a smile.

Listening to them, Jaekyung understood why that noisy guy continued to persist. A soft tone and a smile did not sound like a refusal.

"But Yeonho, why do you call me 'hyung' instead of 'chief'?"

And when it came to sex, he added with an even more serious look: "I think I was in a hurry..."

Despite this, he courageously bent over, taking responsibility for his flirtation, still nothing worked. The problem wasn't the man — Jaekyung couldn't do it. More precisely, he did not want to.

Beta was too narrow, and Jaekyung could hurt him. Seeing his suffering face, Jaekyung thought back to hyun, "He's also a beta. So it would have hurt him just as much? ... Probably yes. The physiology of Bet men is completely different."

He didn't want his hyung to suffer. The very prospect of injury broke Jaekyung's heart. So he hugged the man who was lying below him and apologized several times: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, hyung."

He didn't know who he was asking for forgiveness, but while he was muttering something under his breath, the excitement subsided.

In the end, Jaekyung took a shower and collapsed on the bed. That night, he had his first erotic dream: Jaekyung continued what he had started. The man beneath him writhed in pain, trying to accept him. But the face was somehow familiar. Jaekyung thought it was the athlete from the hotel.

But suddenly...

"Jaekyung-ah, it hurts...", the man said in pure Korean. Jaekyung was stunned and looked at his partner: Jihong was lying crying under him.

The face that had always smiled so gently was now distorted in agony. Jaekyung didn't want to hurt him. But against his will, his body continued to rudely rush inside.

"Ah, Jaekyung-ah," hyung groaned, almost begging.

Jaekyung's heart was breaking: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, hyung."

He repeated the apologies over and over again, but he couldn't stop. When he returned to Australia, he had that dream for a long time.

Jaekyung couldn't explain it any other way. In ten years, he had never thought of Jihon in such a way.

But as soon as he accepted his true feelings, the hyun seemed to settle in his mind.

Nightmares mixed with erotic dreams tormented him every night. Because of this, Jaekyung's condition worsened, as well as the records.

"You're just not satisfied. Usually, after the first time, it blows a little crazy," Noah, not understanding anything, always spewed out all sorts of heresy with a confident face, but this was the only reasonable explanation.

Soon, one of the local guides with whom Noah communicated suggested that Jaekyung meet a man.

"He's a model. He came from Korea to Australia for filming. Very beautiful. Noah said he was exactly your type. At least look at the photo.

The photos immediately reminded him of Jihon. After hesitating for a while, he decided to meet, but when it happened, the reality was far from his expectations.

Outwardly, they were similar, but in general, this guy looked less neat, and his voice and manner of speech were completely different. He was too friendly, as if even tactless and intrusive. And the so-called cordiality was felt as excessive familiarity.

As a result, the conversation only increased the discomfort. The more he looked for differences, the more he realized that he needed a hyung, not a copy of him.

So it didn't come to the hotel. Saying goodbye, the guy offered to remain friends, and Jaekyung agreed. Later, he met with him several times. It turned out that he is a fairly famous singer and actor in Korea. Everywhere they went, they were constantly photographed, and eventually there were rumors in the press about their romance.

One morning, the mother saw the article and asked, "Are you really dating him? How serious is that?"

"We don't meet. He already has a partner.

"Really?" she clarified, not hiding her own disappointment. "But on the other hand, guys like that wouldn't mess with you."

"What's wrong with me?" said Jaekyung indignantly, pushing the plate aside.

His mother looked at him with sympathy and calmly said, "It hurts me to say this to my son, but if you don't change your character and the way you communicate, it will be difficult for you to find someone."

"I don't need it," he replied irritably.

"Why have a beautiful appearance if the temper is bad," sighed the mother and, remembering something, added: "By the way, the secretary of the charitable foundation recommended one agency. It is small, but they have a high level of satisfaction among athletes and a high share of repeat contracts. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Why?"

Without listening to the end, Jaekyung objected. His mother, angry, glared at him and confidently declared: "You'll see, you will never be able to find yourself a lover."

Then she prepared for an argument, but suddenly the phone rang. Jaekyung took advantage of this respite and, while she was talking, quickly finished his meal and went to his room.

As he was changing clothes to go to the gym, he heard his mother end the call and burst into the room with an excited face, "You won't believe who I just talked to!"

"With whom?" he asked absently, undressing.

"With Jihon, with Jung Ji-hong!"

He couldn't believe his ears.

—... Who?

"Well, Jihon, with whom you visited the same pool in Ilsan!" she exclaimed, almost jumping for joy. "Well, whose video you constantly watched! It turns out that now he works in a sports agency. I told you about it just a couple of minutes ago!"

Jaekyung was even stuck in shock, as was his mind.

Still unaware of what was happening, he automatically buttoned his windbreaker. And, barely comprehending, he finally asked: "What is the name of this company?"