A century of poverty

Chapter 34 Compassion

More than two years have passed, and Dad's illness has not improved; in fact, it has gotten worse.

As the family's situation worsened, the eldest sister matured at a young age. She stopped going to school and voluntarily helped the family gather firewood, cultivate their private plot, take care of the children, and operate the millstone.

Dad couldn't eat at the table; he leaned against the wall at the end of the kang (a heated brick bed), while Mom held a bowl and fed him millet porridge spoonful by spoonful.

Mother instructed her eldest sister, "Fenglian, we're out of fuel. Take Duozi and gather firewood."

"Okay!" the eldest sister replied, leading the second sister into the yard. Each of them carried a basket on their backs, went out the door, down the big slope, crossed the North Ditch, and headed towards the North River.

Back then, the area below the western cliff was where the village threw away dead children, and wolves often roamed there. At night, you could often see pairs of "green lanterns" (wolves' eyes) wandering around the northern ditch.

The two sisters walked along the north riverbank, picking up wild grass and weeds along the way. By the time they reached the head of the locust tree ditch, their baskets were full. To gather more, they untied the ropes binding the baskets and gathered another bundle, tucking it over the baskets to make a large "blanket" for their journey home. This blanket of firewood, with its blanket, was too heavy for the two sisters to carry on the ground, so they placed the basket on a embankment, filled it up, tucked their arms into the straps, and started walking home.

The heavy basket weighed down the two children, making them bend over and slow down their pace.

Looking back, all I could see were two small legs walking forward, barely off the ground. When they reached the North River, my second sister suddenly tripped and fell, the fence pinning her down so she couldn't get up.

The older sister's throat tightened with salt: "You wait—I'll go home and call Mom to pick you up."

"Yes!" the second sister replied.

It wasn't that the eldest sister didn't want to help the second sister; it was because the second sister was carrying the fence on her back and dared not move around. If she was put down, she wouldn't be able to get up either. She could only hold on until she got home and called her mother to pick her up.

The second sister struggled and twisted, but even when her mother arrived, she couldn't pull out the leg that was trapped under the basket.

At this time, the second sister was only seven years old and the eldest sister was eleven years old. They were tired all day long and did not have good food. The eldest sister had already developed bronchitis.

A cloud of gloom hung over the home.

Grandma Wu, who lived next door to the east, was tall, with her graying hair tied in a bun at the back of her head. She wore a black homespun blouse and trousers, with leggings, and her feet were not properly bound. A few eggs were tucked into the front of her blouse. As she arrived at my back door, she called out, "Second Aunt, are you home? I've come to see my older brother!"

Grandma replied, "I'm here!"

Mom came out to greet me: "Look, it's good that you're here, why did you bring this?"

Grandma Da Wu: "It's nothing. I've saved up a few eggs. You can cook them for your brother to help him recover."

Mom brought over a ladle, and Grandma Da Wu picked up the eggs and put them into the ladle.

Grandma: "Second sister-in-law, you are a big family too, and you still care about your brother. Sit here."

Mother: "Second sister-in-law, sit down, sit here."

Grandma Wu: "Don't say anything more. We're like family. My brother has been here for over a year and hasn't gotten better, so we're worried too. Yesterday, I took Hua Zi to the temple to play, and we saw some people from who-knows-where offering incense and fulfilling vows to the Horse Goddess, saying their prayers had come true. I thought, brother's wife, why don't you go to the temple, burn incense, and make a wish? My brother might get better because of that, wouldn't that be great?"

Mom: "That's great! If it can bring hope, I'm willing to make a wish and fulfill my vow."

Grandma: "Then take some incense and go to the Horse God Temple to make a wish."

Mother acted immediately. After lunch, she called her second sister to go to the Horse God Temple to burn incense. As they walked south down the big slope, Mother pondered, "What should I pray for? The family is so poor, sigh—it has to be something I can do." As she thought about it, she had an idea.

Upon arriving at the Horse God Temple, Mother lit incense and knelt down, saying, "Second Sister, you kneel down too." Second Sister and Mother kowtowed three times devoutly. Mother clasped her hands together and prayed, "Horse Goddess, who saves us from suffering, please help Zhang Xiwang recover. From now on, if he gets better, I vow to 'not wear cotton clothes for three winters.'" Mother was going all out. She couldn't offer money or gifts, and she needed to be sincere, so she made this vow—a vow she could fulfill, disregarding her own well-being and demonstrating her sincerity.

Winter arrived in the blink of an eye. Of the chores my mother never finished throughout the year, there were two that she had to do every day without anyone else's help. One was grinding rice in the millstone. She had to eat something every day and couldn't be separated from the millstone. My eldest sister could help push the millstone, but she couldn't do it alone, especially grinding rice and winnowing. Even as adults, some people still couldn't handle it, and the children were simply not tall enough to handle the winnowing basket.

Fetching water is essential for the family's daily needs, from eating and drinking to washing and cleaning. The tall well frame and windlass of Dongjing, and the several-room-deep well, are frightening even to the timid. In the temperate-cold climate of eastern Hebei, temperatures can drop to minus ten degrees Celsius during the coldest days of winter, where water freezes instantly. Thick ice forms on the well platform, making it easy to slip and fall. The open well opening is extremely dangerous.

These were all things she was used to doing; they were just busy and tiring, but not particularly difficult. Being tall enough to carry a carrying pole, she started fetching water. For many years, her father was away from home from dawn till dusk selling earthenware pots, and her mother took care of everything inside and outside the village. During the land reform, there were always meetings to discuss village affairs. As people said, "The Communist Party holds many meetings, and the Kuomintang pays many taxes." Being a poor Communist Party cadre, her mother silently endured it all and had become accustomed to it.

What's unbearable is the freezing cold without wearing a cotton-padded coat.

Sometimes, when I was too busy to even open the well, I'd forget to prepare water before dark. The first thing I did the next morning after cooking was to grab a carrying pole and fetch water. In the coldest times, wearing only tattered trousers and a padded jacket, I'd rush to the well, draw water, and hurry home. My nose and face would be red with cold, my hands numb and unable to light a match. I'd breathe on them and rub them together to get a fire going, then constantly warm my hands by the stove door while boiling water.

What do people think when they see their mother, dressed in thin, tattered clothes, hurriedly carrying water? Is it helplessness? Is it absurdity? Kind people always feel a pang of sadness.

There were even those bullies from Dongjingshang, who, seeing how miserable people were, would add insult to injury with their mockery: "Zhang Xiwang, you won't get off the kang (heated brick bed)..." They would call out to each other whether there were people around or not, but the mother pretended not to hear them and ignored them.

She had experienced the coldness and indifference of the world since she was a child.

Look, when men from normal families carry water, they wear thick cotton-padded jackets and trousers, the weight of the carrying pole is evenly distributed on their shoulders, their hands are tucked into their sleeves, and they walk home leisurely and unhurriedly.

It really proves the saying: "Comparison is the best way to live, and comparison is the best way to keep goods."

She endured the heavy burden of material and emotional stress, supporting her family so that her child wouldn't grow up without a mother.

One morning, Mom came to the East Well to fetch water again. Uncle Liu Zhuangtuo came from the small path of Xiaodongguan. He saw his wife's sister and sister-in-law, Jiang Xiuying, drawing water from the well in such cold weather without wearing a cotton-padded coat. He came up to her and asked with concern, "Auntie, it's so cold. Even wearing a cotton-padded coat, you're cold. Why are you wearing so little?"

Mom looked up: "It's brother-in-law! It's not that I don't have clothes, it's that I made a vow to not wear cotton clothes for three winters because I hoped this illness wouldn't get better. How did you manage to get here?"

Uncle: "I have some business to attend to at Zhang Jingtang's house in your village. It's closer to home from here."

By then, Mom had already filled the buckets with water and laid them out. "Want to come home for a bit?"

Uncle: "No, you should go now."

Mom carried the water and hurried home.

When Uncle Liu Fuyou returned home, he spoke to his aunt: "I just ran into Yaoxian's (my mother's eldest nephew) aunt carrying water at the East Well in Zhangzhuangtuo. She was wearing only a light jacket in this cold weather and was shivering from the cold."

Aunt: "My sister's younger sister has had such a bad life. Everyone in the five mountain villages knows she's been mistreated and has a hard time. My sister told us to take care of her before she left. Tomorrow we'll invite her over, cook her a nice meal, and give her my sweater."

"Sure!" Uncle agreed.

The next morning, the eldest aunt sent her three daughters to Zhangzhuangtuo. At that time, the eldest sister returned from gathering firewood. This third cousin was wearing a khaki-colored top and navy blue pants. Her hair was slightly sparse, and she was a bit plump. She was about the same age as the eldest sister and was walking towards them with a smile.

The eldest sister spoke first: "Third cousin, where are you going?"

Third cousin: "When we get to your house, my mom asked me to come and call my aunt over."

The eldest sister said "Oh" and entered the house with her third cousin. They called out from outside the door, "Mom, my third cousin is here!" and invited her in. The third cousin first greeted her grandmother, "Hello, Grandma!" and then said to her mother, "Auntie, my mom said she needs you to come over."

Mom: "Oh, you didn't say what it was about?"

Third cousin: "I didn't say."

The mother looked at her grandmother, and she dared not make decisions on her own without her grandmother's permission.

Grandma: "Just go when I tell you to. I don't care what you do."

With permission, Mom opened the closet, found a brand-new padded jacket, put it on, and since she had no spare trousers and only this pair of shoes, she went out like that.

Head east to Dongdapo, pass through the field path and the water trough, go down the south slope of Zhaozhuangtuo Village, and you will reach Liuzhuangtuo River Beach with small willow trees. Go up the slope and you will be in Liuzhuangtuo Village. The whole journey takes only about ten minutes.

When we arrived at my aunt's house, my third cousin led my mother through the gate, and the big black dog lying at the door barked and ran over.

My third cousin yelled "Go!" and the big black dog wagged its tail.

"You'll bite anyone!" my third cousin scolded, and the big black dog ran away.

At this moment, my aunt came out with a big smile and warmly invited my mother into the house.